Until it wasn't
by matsaidwelcome
Summary: TWD 3.09, Rick is back from Woodbury with Glenn, Maggie, and Michonne. He hallucinates and scares the group, this is what happens right after with Carl , how he is not quite as grownup as he seems and realizes Maggie is human too. Also I am not ok with 8.08-8.09 story line and needed to write something with my baby Carl


Walking into the dining area last, Carl's dad stops in front of Tyreese.

"I'm Tyreese." Rick looks at the man who just introduced himself, as if waiting for him to explain why he is wasting his time. Hershel starts talking, pointing to each new person in turn.

"Sasha, Allen, Ben."

"How'd you get in?" Replying quickly Carl's dad asks a question that feels dangerously like an accusation.

"Fire damage to the administrative part of the prison. Wall's down." Carl could tell Tyreese was trying to calm Rick down but didn't know how much Carl's dad had just been through. Carl didn't even know.

"That side's completely overrun with walkers. How'd you get this far?" again the accusation comes out.

"We didn't. We lost our friend Donna." Tyreese looked down at this point, knowing what he said was either going to give sympathy to them or cause them to be kicked out. Carl saw this and decided to help them. They weren't bad people, and as far as he could tell they were only trying to survive. Good people didn't happen often and he wanted to keep these people around. And he wanted to make his father proud of him. He saved them, he helped these people all by himself. Maybe his dad would get better if he knew how grown up he was.

"They were lost in the tombs"

"You brought them here?" This time the accusation turned to Carl. He stepped back. This wasn't what Carl thought would happen. His father turning towards Carl and accusing him was not something he thought would happen. Carl didn't have a response. Luckily, Hershel did.

"He had no choice." It hurt to know his father would listen to Hershel but not him. The conversation continued but Carl wasn't listening anymore just looking at the ground. Rick and Tyreese arguing if this new group could stay was not something Carl wanted to hear.

"I can't be responsible." Carl could hear the conflict in his father's voice. It made him bring his head up. His father wanted to help, he just didn't think they could.

"You turn us out, you are responsible." Carl knew what Tyreese said is true but he had to trust his father. If he couldn't trust his father than who could he trust?

"Rick. You've done so much for us. I appreciate that. We all do. We owe you our lives. We've done everything you asked without question. And I'm telling you, you're wrong on this. You've got to start giving people a chance." The tiny speech Hershel spoke was enough to make Carl believe his dad would change his mind. But his father wasn't looking at Hershel as he spoke, he was looking at the balcony above Carl's head.

"No, no. No, no, no, no. No. No, no, no, no, no. Why are you here?" His father walked away from the new comers and towards Carl. He couldn't tell who he was talking to; he knew why everyone was there. "What do you want from me?"

"Dad?" The way his father was moving around, his movements jerking and unpredictable Carl didn't know where to look. He was seeing something that wasn't there, that was obvious, but what he saw Carl didn't know. Maggie had her hands hovering over his shoulders waiting to see if Rick would snap and drag Carl away.

"Why are you." Rick continued to walk and mumble to himself before screaming to no one. "No. I can't help you." Turning to the new comers he screams again. "Get out! Get- get out!"

"Hey, come on. Whoa, it's all good." Tyreese was trying to calm Rick down but Carl could see he was too far gone.

"Hey, easy, Rick. There's no need t-" Maggie stepped away from Carl and moved towards Rick to try and touch him, to bring him back to reality with physical contact but then he screamed.

"You don't belong here! Get out! Please!" Maggie was forced back, running into Carl. He put his hand up in front of him as if to stop Rick from coming closer and Maggie wrapped her arms around his shoulders and they moved back together. Tyreese was still trying to placate Rick.

"Get out! Get out!" Rick was still screaming. And had taken his gun out.

"We'll leave. We're going. Okay? Ain't nobody got to get shot here. We're going." Now Tyreese knew what was going to happen if he stayed and his group moved back towards the stairs leading outdoors.

"What are you doing here?!" Rick was so loud Carl could barely hear what Tyreese was saying.

"Just go! Go! Go!" Glenn screamed at the new comers turning around once before walking out with them.

Rick stood there with everyone staring at him in shock. He had just been yelling at nothing. Looking up at the balcony and yelling at some unseen person to get out. Carl didn't know what Rick was yelling at but he knew it had to be the same person he was on the phone with.

Carl had followed Rick into the tombs and listened to him talk on the phone to at least three different people. Hershel had seen him and sent him away before going in himself. When he came back he just patted Carl on the shoulder and told him to go see his baby sister. He knew his father wasn't well but he was trying to hide it from the others. Now there was nothing stopping him and he was acting this way in front of everyone.

Maggie had pulled him out of the way when Rick started yelling and throwing his gun around. And maybe for the first time, he thought, Carl didn't know where his father was going to be pointing that gun.

Rick cleared his throat, rubbed his face, put his gun away and walked out of the room as if the last five minutes hadn't happened.

"I'll go check on him." Hershel was the first to speak. Carl could barely hear him with the ringing in his ears. "Y'all should get to work on reinforcements."

The group dispersed, each person going to do their jobs. Carl watched as Hershel walked into the cellblock after Rick and knew he wouldn't be able to handle being there so he left before anyone could give him a job. Brushing Maggie's hands off him he walked outside.

Carl walked outside and stopped when he saw Tyreese and his friends by the gate. Glenn was giving them a weeks-worth of supplies and was about to open the gate for them. He couldn't hear what they were saying but he saw Glenn look down, as if apologizing.

Walking all the way around the back side of the yard Carl found what he was looking for. He had chosen a spot that no one could stumble across, a spot that couldn't be seen from the main yard, all the way up on the side of the building and next to the guard tower. Clearing some of the loose papers away he sat down and brought his knees up to his chin where he rested his head and tried not to think about what just happened. He didn't wait long though.

"Carl?" Maggie's voice travelled to where Carl was sitting. He hadn't started crying yet but he could feel it. The pressure behind his eyes and the ache in his throat. He didn't want Maggie to see that or hear the crack in his voice so he stayed quiet.

It didn't make a difference though. Maggie made her way to the guard tower he was sitting beside. "Carl, there you are. People have been looking for you."

He knew the words were supposed to make him feel better, but he knew what they really meant. His father hadn't been the one looking for him; Maggie would have said that. It was probably Hershel or Beth, they were always wondering where he was.

"Yeah? I'll be there in a little bit. I just…I was going to rest for a little while." Carl said somewhat proud of himself as his voice only cracked once. Maggie knew he wasn't there to rest but she didn't contradict him. Carl continued to look down willing Maggie to leave so he could cry alone.

Maggie gave a long sigh before turning around. She got to the corner of the building before stopping and turned around again. Carl looked up as Maggie turned back, the look she gave him was something he had never seen before from Maggie. Pity. That pushed him over the edge.

"What!? What do you want Maggie?" Carl yelled at her rushing to his feet, knowing he was acting like a child. Or maybe he was acting like Rick.

Looking at her feet a moment she schooled her expression. "Nothing. Well, I guess it's…maybe could I sit here and rest with you."

Carl was not expecting that answer. He blinked and looked down at his hands. They were clean, but he could still see his mother's blood, the clear liquid that had been covering Judith when she was born and the small slightly black marks on his fingers after he shot his mom.

Taking a deep breath Carl sat back down and waited. He wasn't going to tell Maggie to go away but he also wasn't going to tell her to sit down either.

She took the hint and sat down next to him, leaving a good amount of space between them. She didn't know it, but that space made him itch.

Suddenly he felt the air stir. He looked over and saw what he had been trying to stop himself from doing; Maggie was crying. Silently crying, Maggie had tears running down her face and her shoulders were shaking.

Carl had been so focused on what he was feeling he never even thought about how Maggie was doing. It was obvious that she wasn't taking it well. Thinking back to when Judith was born. The screams he had heard, the blood he saw and the baby that was ripped from his mother's body were the same things Maggie saw and did. And the way Glenn looked? Carl could only imagine what Maggie went through with the governor, the new neighbor they had.

Not knowing what it's like to have a baby or the amount of pain someone goes through with a C-section Carl was almost too surprised to know what was going on and what was happening. Maggie knew everything. She knew what having a baby meant and the dangers it put the mother in. Carl just didn't know.

Carl was in shock and in pain and he had held it in for so long he didn't notice the shock and pain that must have built up in Maggie too. And all Carl had done was wallow in self-pity. Maybe Maggie was right to look at him that way. The itch on his side was spreading and the ache behind his eyes was growing stronger. He couldn't hold off for much longer.

Then Maggie stopped shaking. She wiped her eyes and smiled at Carl, as if crying had made her feel better. And the pity was gone. Almost as if she knew what he was thinking and knew he had figured it out. Sniffing one more time Maggie placed her arm over his head and around his shoulders and pulled him to her, closing the gap between them. The ache was too much, Carl started crying.

But just like Maggie he was silent, after half a year living on the outside you learned to keep quiet. His breath came heavy but not loud. Carl finally let go. Leaning farther into Maggie he wrapped his own arms around her middle and shoved his face in her chest. His hat fell off as his forehead connected with her breast bone. His cries started to get louder but became muffled as Maggie held him closer.

Maggie began stroking his hair and making small 'shh' noises. After a while she stopped 'shhing' him, wrapped him in arms and began crying again too. It wasn't as silent this time though. Her breathe caught and her nose was so stuffed it sounded like she was snoring.

The two of them stayed like that, crying into each other's arms for a long time, long enough for the sun to start to set and the air to become chill. Carl stopped crying first but didn't let go until Maggie had stopped crying too.

Carl took a deep breath and leaned back, grasping Maggie's hand as he did.

"Thank you, Maggie" she didn't say anything in response but didn't let go of Carl's hand for a long time.

"Let's go inside." Maggie squeezes Carl's hand as she says this. She waits for him to start standing before she does as well. The two looked at each other, realizing the connection they now shared, then turned without a word and walked back into the prison. Maggie and Carl walked side-by-side knowing whatever happens next, no matter who else they lose, they would have and understand each other, and that would be enough.

Until it wasn't.


End file.
